Lessons I learned Too Late

By: Chloë Malinofski (TikTok: @clov.er29)

Dear Reader,

These guide lines are specific to who I was in middle school and what I wish I would have known at that time, inspired by the essay “Ten things I’ve been meaning to say to you” by Jason Reynolds.  I hope it can be applicable to people of any age, just particularly those experiencing the labyrinth of junior high for the first time. 

1. You are only as pretty as the words you speak. People will not remember you by how trendy your clothes are or how expensive your mascara is. By next week, no one will remember what earrings you wore today, but they will remember how you made them feel, the words you spoke to them, and the words you spoke about others. You never know what anyone is going through, no matter how much you think you do. Choose kindness, because your words last longer than your appearance ever will.

2. Grow with your morals. Your political views will adapt and expand as you age, you will accept new topics you haven't explored before, and you will reject ideas you once aligned with in the past. Define your morals and what truly matters to you, and use that as a baseline for the rest of your life. Change is inevitable and still, nonetheless, scary, but if you remember who you are and what you believe, you will never lose yourself. 

3. Do not change yourself for others. There will be people who love and accept you just as you are. If you find yourself bending or looking past things that you are fundamentally against, take a second and reflect. If these people are right for you, they won't be making you do things that feel wrong to you. 

4. Peer pressure is real, and it doesn't always look the way you may expect. If you don't want to, or you're not sure, just don't. True friends or relationships will understand. Being “innocent” is not a character flaw. You don't become cooler or more mature by drinking alcohol or doing drugs. Don't let people convince you that you are naive for not trying these things. It is not your place to judge or shame others, but you absolutely have a right to step away from uncomfortable situations. You are not immature for that.

5. Protest, argue, and fight for what you believe. Do not let anyone speak down to you or treat you as lesser. Do not stop fighting just because your friends do not care. Speak up for yourself, speak up for your friends, speak up for those without a voice. It's not cool to not care. You have been blessed with a voice that other people do not have, take advantage of that. To further push this, do not speak against others just because your friends are. These are real people with real feelings. I understand how easy it is to make an irreverent and seemingly harmless joke, but it's best not to slip down that slope and lose sight of who you are.

6. You are never too young to make a difference. I’m sure you've been called naive and inexperienced, and it can feel dehumanizing. You are still a person, you still have a say, regardless if you can vote on it or not. Do not let adults silence you just because they don't agree. You are the future of the world, and your voice matters much more than it may seem.

7. Popularity does not matter. I learned this the hardest way. You will never be accepted enough, and you will never be popular enough. You are chasing a dream that is unachievable and not real. The further you dig yourself into this hole, the more pressure is placed on you to be better, prettier, and meaner, until it feels like there is no way out. You won't be accepted once you reach a certain status. Instead, you will be confined into a box that you're expected to conform to. Be yourself, find people who you love for their brain, their heart, and their actions. Don't love someone for their social status, a social status can't love you back.

8. Social media isn't real, and neither are the people you want to be. The girl whom you compare everything about yourself to is just as insecure as you are, she is constantly measuring herself against someone else, just like you. Chances are, there is someone else out there wishing they were you. Never compare yourself to anyone except you. Focus on being the best version of yourself, you will never be anyone else.

9. Live in the moment. Appreciate what you have. Love yourself for who you are, and love your friends and family for what they are to you. Appreciate your brain and heart, they are yours for life. Stop focusing on what someone else has, or what you don't have.  Count your blessings and love your life. At any moment, you may look back and see things you miss. Find them now, and hold them close.

10. Lastly, and most importantly, It's not cool to be a loser. You are never just one thing, don't limit yourself. Go to school, find a passion, chase a dream .Live a life you will be proud of, a life that feels like your own. Sixty years from now, look back and know you lived fully, without regret. Do something with your life, you only get one. Be you.

These are lessons I learned a bit too late. If I had learned them sooner, I’m sure it would have saved a lot of time and tears. After all, that’s what growing up is about. I hope these lessons resonate with you in some way, or help in a situation where you feel lost. One important thing to remember is that everything will be okay, just breathe and enjoy the present.