I Just Wanna Cry

I just wanna cry

I wanna feel like this gut wrenching emotion will pass by

I want to feel the tears racing down my face

I wanna have an outlet so my feelings can displace

Im sad, but apparently not sad enough

Im heartbroken, but without puffy eyes it feels like a bluff

I want proof that Im not okay

I wanna see the red nose, the falling tears, the swollen eyes, out on display

I wanna know that Im not numb

I wanna make those healed videos, to be able to see what I have become

But what ive become are those people who mope around

who dont get out of bed, 

who locks themselves in rooms

who zones out and gets lost, waiting to be found

I want that funny feeling where when im all cried out, I look into a mirror and see how ugly my face is

I want to be able to have the gut to tell myself that I can do this

I want my eyes to feel so droopy that I mistake my bed for a cloud and fall asleep the moment I get in

I want to make crying my new melatonin

But I guess what I feel isnt enough

I guess that heart sinking, stomach dropping, soul wrenching feeling still makes me ‘tough’

I guess what they did isnt so bad

After all, theres no proof Im sad.